Mr. Hellfire

24 May 2010 @ 10:16 pm

Books:
Interview with the Vampire by Anne Rice
My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands by Chelsea Handler
Are you there Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea by Chelsea Handler
Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang by Chelsea Handler

Comic books:

Marvel:
Anita Blake: The Laughing Corpse: #1
Astonishing X-Men: #34
Astonishing X-Men: Xenogenesis: #1-2
Avengers Academy #1-3
Avengers The Children's Crusade: #1
The Brotherhood: #1
Dark Avengers: #16
Dazzler: #1
Fallen Angels: #1, 5, 6
Firestar: #1-2, and 4
Hellstorm Prince of Lies: #11
Heralds: #1
Hulk/Power Pack #1-4
Marvel Graphic Novel #4: New Mutants
New Avengers vol. 2: #1-3
New Mutants vol. 1: #14-17, 23, 36-37, 41-43, 46, 49, 53-54, 56, 79
New Mutants vol. 3: #13-16
New Warriors vol. 1: #9
Phoenix the Untold Story: #1
Scarlet: #1
Thunderbolts: #144-147
Ultimate Spider-Man Annual #2
Uncanny X-Men: #259-264, 525-527
Uncanny X-Men Annual: #6
What If...The X-Men Died on Their First Mission?
X-Factor vol. 1: #82
X-Factor vol. 3: #207
X-Force vol. 1: #70 and #82
X-Force vol. 3: #27-28
X-Force: Sex and Violence #1
X-Men vol. 3: #1-2
X-Men 2099: #1
X-Men Legacy: #236-238
X-Men Origins: Emma Frost #1
X-Men: Second Coming #2

DC:
Batgirl: #10-13
Batgirl Year One: #1-9
Batman: #367, 694
Batman: The Killing Joke
Black Canary Vol. 3: #3
Detective Comics: #732, 822, 854-863
Gotham City Sirens: #12-14
Joker's Asylum: Harley Quinn: #1
Justice League America: #27
Red Robin: #7
Robin vol. 4: #154
Robin/Spoiler Special: #1
Showcase '94: #12
Suicide Squad vol. 1: #1
Suicide Squad vol. 2: #9
The Batman Chronicles: #5

Vertigo:
Bite Club #1
Death: The High Cost of Living #1-3
Demo vol. 1 #1-12
Demo vol. 2 #1-6
Fables #1
Hellblazer: #233
The Invisibles vol. 1: #2-25
The Invisibles vol. 2: #1-18, 20-22
The Invisibles vol. 3: #1-12
The Sandman: #29-49, 51-75
The Sandman: Endless Night
The Sandman Special #1
Shade the Changing Man: #55

Dark Horse:
Aeon Flux: #1

Top Cow:
Urban Myths: #1

Image:
Forgetless #1-5
Morning Glories #1
Suburban Glamour #1

Oni:
Local #1

Other:
The Crow
Freakangels Books 1, 2, 3, and 4
Kick-Ass: #7
Spring-Heel Jack: #2
Tank Girl: Skidmarks #1

FBCD 2004:
30 Days of Night

FCBD 2010:
Atomic Robo
Del Rey Showcase
Doctor Solar and Magnus
Fearless Dawn
Fractured Fables
Green Hornet
Iron Man and Nova
Iron Man and Thor
Irredeemable
Mouseguard
Shrek
Sonic the Hedgehog
Storm Lion
The Tick
Worlds of Aspen

Leave a comment

16 May 2010 @ 12:51 pm

Forget-Me-Lots

My sister and I watched The Fourth Kind last night. It disturbed Julie quite a bit, and admittedly I was scared as well. But it was a lot easier to calm down after I did a basic search and found out the alleged real Dr. Abigail Tyler is actually an actress. From there you have to question other things about the people interviewed and that sort of thing. In my experience people of a rural area tend to be insane to some degree already.

Something about calling up the repressed memories in the movie caused me to think in depth more about a topic that's been bothering me a lot lately. For whatever reason, I keep thinking back to right when I went under for my wisdom teeth surgery. I remember vividly getting in the chair and getting the thing to get my vein out strapped on. The woman told me it wouldn't take long for me to be knocked out. I remember the feeling of the needle, the specific feeling of that needle rather than of just a needle. I remember waiting in anxiety for the thing to kick in. In my nervousness I said, "I don't think it's working." Then it kicked in and my final thought was about the irony of what I'd just said.

What freaks me out if I'm certain that's not where it ended. I doubt I just flickered out to sleep. I'm sure I went on for a few in some hazy state, and I simply can not remember it. Why it bothers me, I couldn't say because I'm sure the memory of me drooling into unconsciousness would never have been a treasured one, but I think it's for the same reason I don't like to black out when I drink. I need to know what I'm doing at all times, even if I'M not a present part of the decision-making. Plus I've never felt such a void in my memory before, and it just calls into question how much control I really have over myself.

Leave a comment

10 May 2010 @ 08:01 pm

Tarot Reading.

My friend Brytania did a Tarot reading for me not too long ago. I'm recording the results here because I check my blog more often than random pieces of paper, and also because it's already pretty dead on.

First Card: Current position.

Four of Wands: Represents stability after hard work, harmony, now would be a time to take a break and reward yourself with a vacation. (A few days away from summer break)

Second Card: Immediate influences

Queen of Swords: Represents a strong, independent woman who's not afraid to speak her mind, be weary of getting on her bad side. (Me and Brytania at this point and knew right away: It's Megan, my roommate next year<3)

Third Card: Hopes and Fears for the future, Goals or Destiny

5 of Pentacles: Now would be a time to watch finances, not to spend.

Fourth Card: How this came to be

Five of Cups: Disappointment and regret are clouding logic. It's temporary and can change with hard work.

Fifth Card: Recent past event

4 of Swords: My notes here just say rest, recovery, retreat.

Sixth Card: Future influences

Ace of Cups: New beginnings, emotional euphoria, seeking enlightenment, and renew. (some of my notes were just words rahter than sentences)

Seventh Card: My role, How I feel

6 of Swords: Out of the storm into calm waters, harmony restored. Phys. Journey?

Eighth Card: Environmental, people infleunce.

8 of Pentacles: An apprenticeship may soon occur, a learning offer from someone.

Ninth Card: Inner emotion, desires.

2 of Swords: Stalemate, deadlock. Decision? No idea. Anddd activate.

Tenth Card: Outcome

The Tower: Houses with poor foundation will fall. Things falsely believed will be over now. Now you will see the truth. Sudden ending, not unexpected.

Leave a comment

16 June 2009 @ 02:24 am

"If there was a drug right here in front of me, I'd do it!" <---I'm not a genius when I'm drunk.

Friday night was a night I will never forget.
Because I was depowered.
It was like the Decimation.
I temporarily lost my mutant ability to resist hangovers.

BUT! When one door closes, another opens. I gained the mutant ability to aggressively puke for an hour!

( Time for another Drunken Adventure! )

Tags: "the ocean waves", drunken adventures, my mutant ability, obnoxious competitiveness, why i'll never eat panckes again

Leave a comment

10 June 2009 @ 02:25 am

About my marriage to the 90's.

I sometimes have a taste in men that's VERY 90's, especially when I think of them romantically. Long hair and earrings are SO my thing. It basically comes from my old crushes when I was younger since even though I never thought of myself as gay, I used to have LOTS of crushes on guys.

Today, I looked up one of my deepest old crushes, Andros from Power Rangers in Space (don't laugh yet, it gets worse). He's everything I ever loved about the 90's, seriously, just look at him!

And when he wasn't Andros:

Mmm, fucking delicious man.

Ok, so. I looked him up to see how time has treated him. I expected he'd cut off his long hair and now has signs of aging in his face. Well, it turns out I needn't have worried about the hair.

( If you don't want this man's image ruined for you, don't click!! )

Tags: falling in love with strangers, killing my inner child, who i find sexy

Current Mood: sad

sad

Leave a comment

08 June 2009 @ 11:40 pm

Mr. Hellfire and the Case of the Missing Lucid Dreams!

My vacation so far has been alternating weekly between bi-daily drinking and daily toking. It's thrilling.

I'm not sober right now.

I stopped lucid dreaming for couple months. I was terrified I was starting to mentally decline since it's something I'm extremely scared of. My mind is my most prized possession and the thought of losing everything I've worked for scares me. I lucid dreamed last night. Not spectacularly. But good, hard, and decent. I remember it perfectly and it's definitely a foot hold to getting back to where I was.

I've been watching a sinful amount of Desperate Housewives lately. I watch TV for the characters. I read books for the characters. I do a lot of the things for the characters. I look for pieces of me in the people I admire.

The subject of my fuck buddy in question has been nullified. Him and I flirted one night until 5 A.M. in the morning. We explained our mutual desire for each other in a couple ways. I suggest we go to bed and meet up tomorrow. He agreed.
We talked the next day, he said he never went to bed. But he said he was tired then, so he "went to sleep". He hasn't talked to me since, and signs off minutes after I sign on. Every time. I'm frustrated since I just want a fuck buddy, plain and simple, but this sort of process of de-skiddishing closet guys is annoying.

My ex-friend is insulted and surprised because my sister told him I no longer like him. He's surprised even though he said that about me first to my sister who tells me everything. He's done a lot of underhanded things right under my nose to try to get me in trouble and he's found out I know about it before this. So apparently he can hate me since he's "above" me, but I can't enforce the same judgment. Well.
I just did.

I'm glad he's so insulted.

I've been social during my intense intoxication. I've reconnected with at least five people. I'm essentially trying to dig myself out of this anti-social hole I've dug. And it just takes one night of gregariousness. I think I want to be drunk and high the entire first month of college. Then I'll cold turkey and feed myself that personality I presented from the people who come to me with that image. It's like eating out of a mirror.

I went to my old high school's Art Show recently. I brought all the assets of my alternative image and none of my personality. I could not have been more embarrassed at how bland I was. I bring my image to introduce a person I think is very interesting. And this time he didn't show.

It was smart of me to cut off most of my hair. I hide my striking gaze behind it. I was scared it offended people that I looked at them so sharply. I'm still not sure if it's my fault or their's that my gaze alarms them. But I realize I was never hiding it. I just hid from myself the fact that the look still had the same effect.

I did not venture far out when I thought I couldn't lucid dream anymore. I thought I wasn't smart enough to handle it anymore. I hide when I perceive weakness within myself.

Tags: agh's, ex-friends, i fear, identity, lucid dreams, mohawks

Current Mood: In between sobriety and not

11 comments | Leave a comment

19 May 2009 @ 12:42 pm

JJ saves my drunk ass from paranoia.

Last night I hung out with my close bud Sam and we had a wonderful time up until a point where we heard something right outside the house fall. Fearing the worst, Sam and Krista started thinking someone was going to kill us. I, on the other hand, had been watching Judge Judy clips on Jezebel and was not only not scared but shouting at the top of my lungs, "If anyone IS trying to fuck with us, that's trespassing and that is ILLEGAL!" in the same sort of shrill JJ tone that she uses on the show (If you click on the pic, I have it linked to the clips I was watching).

Which I kept repeating all the way to the door with the girls behind me. No one was there when we opened it, but I still was not phased as I kept explaining to the empty outdoors that if anyone was there that it was illegal for them to be there.

( And now for Man Meat of the Day time---> )

Tags: drunken adventures, judge judy saves another one, man meat of the day

Current Mood: happy

happy